Long ago
by MyLittleFangirlWorld
Summary: Her voice sounded formal even to her own ears, a way to hide her insecurity and fear. Yamato just looked at her, only his blue eyes portraying all possible emotions to the outside world. Sadness, hurt and loneliness were those who cut through the woman's heart the most. Because she was a woman now. An adult that wasn't brave enough to be a mother to both of her children. One-shot!


She looked down at the tiniest of bundles in her arms. A small, sleeping face the only thing visible from the thick blanket she'd tucked around him to protect him from the cruel world, holding him tightly as she stood guard from her own decision.

She'd decided to give him up. That was made clear two months ago between her and her long-time boyfriend, Hiroaki. They were in no position financially or psychically to care for a baby, and for crying out loud, she wasn't even an adult yet! Just playing with the line of eighteen, in no way prepared, equipped or excited to be a mother.

As soon as the two had found out, abortion was spoken of. But she was too late in the months as she understood and finally come to the perhaps inhuman conclusion, so it was soon no longer legal to remove the newly formed life. So that left adaption. There was simply no way she could take care of this fragile little being, it was never even considered an option.

Because little he was, born much to early leaving her no time to fulfilling the workload of finding a suitable couple. Being pregnant for soly six and a half month and not being aware of it until the middle of the second one, she had little time to conclude. But they'd decided it from the very beginning. The baby would have no good chance and it would come to destroy Hiroaki's career and Nancy's current studies. Bring nothing but trouble.

Still, looking at the, oh so tiny one, she'd thought to remove before it even got a chance. The doctors hadn't thought he would make it through the delivery as it was seldom it turned out alright being that early. Been warned that if the babe survived, were likely. Somehow that just made her feel twice as bad about leaving him She knew that she had to let him go soon, he had to be in incubator for a time. After that, he'd probably be placed in another family, another life. Never to know his real parents, wondering why they didn't want him, why he was given up. Nancy felt tears in her eyes at the thought.

Maybe this baby would bring nothing but complications and problems. Maybe Hiroaki would hate him or even leave them. _But it was her baby_. She couldn't… she just couldn't. And she'd be damned before she left him to navigate this cruel world alone.

"Talk to him!" T.K encouraged, tugging at her sleeve. Nancy looked up at her oldest, sitting cross-legged a little ways aside from the families, fiddling his old harmonica between his fingers. All of the other children were catching up with their worried parents, hugging around and trying (in vain) to explain to the adults. Hiroaki was far on the other side though, only briefing with his son before hurriedly disappearing to join the rest of the workers. This was easily the scoop of the year, and the thought that he instead should be grateful his sons were alive didn't really seem to cross the work-addicted man's mind.

"You know he wouldn't want to talk to me," she replied and the blonde huffed.

"Why wouldn't he? You haven't tried, right?" He asked, his childish belief making it impossible for him to see that his brother wouldn't want to talk to her after what she did.

. …Maybe it was she with wrong beliefs? Yamato had never said a word about blaming or hating her, had he? Of course he never called or walked up to her, but then again neither had she for him? This thought had crossed her mind before, and it scared her that she had no idea.

They hadn't spoken for… it must have been years. After the divorce, six years ago, she'd shut him out. She'd thought it to be only temporary, giving him some space for him to realise they had to split up as a family. But then she was actually too cowardly to come up to him. As the time passed it only got harder and harder. She couldn't exactly show up after leaving him alone to handle the breaking of his family and expect him to still like her. Besides, he had Hiroaki and T.K. How could she know that the father would completely burry himself away in work to handle his loss? But the brothers still had each other. It didn't matter how far away they lived from the other. Hopefully her eldest had finally received some friends too, so he didn't really need her. No, she would just make the boy upset if she walked over.

That was her final conclusion, but when she looked down she was met with a glare.

"He deserves at least that from you, mom." When T.K said it he sounded so disappointed and grown that she was taken back.

She looked back up, noticing Yamato get up and start heading in the general direction of his apartment. She didn't have much time to conclude, and with a small push from the other Takaishi she was suddenly heading forward.

When she was close enough she stopped, giving out a hesitant hawk. She could see Yamato freezing up, taking a second before turning around to look at her. It hurt her to see how old he'd become. No, not old, not even… how old was he again? She didn't even know that. Had to count it out on her own age minus eighteen to realize he was only eleven. Why was it that his eyes portrayed something else? Maybe she shouldn't have been surprised though, of course he would be older seeing as she hadn't even _glanced_ at him for over two years. Maybe three? Oh Lord don't let it be three…

She realized she'd just been staring for a great while when her son let out a quiet sigh and made to back away.

"Thank you for looking after my son," Nancy said quickly to stop him, extending her hand politely. Her voice sounded formal even to her own ears, a way to hide her insecurity and fear.

Yamato just looked at her, only his blue eyes portraying all possible emotions to the outside world. Sadness, hurt and loneliness were those who cut through the woman's heart the most. Because she was a woman now. An adult that wasn't brave enough to be a mother to both of her children.

She'd known that her eldest took the divorce hard. He'd never had any friends except for T.K, his family very important to him.

The two parents had probably messed him up pretty greatly, hadn't they? He was silent for most of the time, keeping his thoughts locked up. It was obvious he wasn't confident nor did he trust a single soul, except maybe T.K. She wasn't blind either, the boy was skin and bones and his smiles rare for anyone. The sad part was that these were things that _she_ hadn't picked up, and she was pretty sure Hiroaki wasn't around too much to notice, feelings were never really his strong suite. It was her youngest son who'd explained this, saying he was worried and that he didn't understand, and he was eight!

And Yamato was only eleven for crying out loud, still he managed to take care of both himself and his brother in a world infested by monsters (she still needed pretty much time sucking that up).

"… And I'm glad you're fine too," she said, meaning it even though her voice only betrayed her unsureness. It didn't sound like too much of a question, did it? Silence. "Yamato, don't do that," she said, knowing full well that she had no right to ask anything of him. "At least answer me with something."

He was silent for a long time before quietly asking "…What's it to you?" It sounded as if he generally had no idea, voice unwavering and expression not showing anything, looking away so she couldn't read anything in his eyes either.

"Huh?" She stated pretty dumbly back, happy that the boy had said anything but confused by the statement.

"Explain to me what difference it had made to you if I was fine, if I even still existed or not." His voice did waver this time, making a crack in the wall he'd clearly built up for the outside world.

She quitted after that, tears quickly forming in her eyes already after e few exchanged sentences. "Yamato, please stop behaving like this, I-"

"Well, what would it change? How could it possibly matter to you, you don't know me so stop pretending that you do," he said voice pitching at the ending.

People had started staring at the two but neither mother nor child seemed to notice. T.K was too far away to hear the words, but even from the distance he could see how upset his nii-san was, and he couldn't help thinking it was all a bad idea.

"Yamato, you're my _son_ …?"

" _Matt_. Not Yamato. You'd think a mother would talk to her son, know anything about him but you don't so you don't have any right using that against me after all these years."

"Yamato, I-"

"Do you even know the date of my birthday? Which school I go to? Do you know I'm bullied? Practically live alone? That I was raped last year?" He looked down with tightly clenched fists, face hidden behind blonde curtains. " _Where were you then_? _Why would I need your lies now_?"

Nancy was beyond horrified, wanting nothing more than to collapse and cradle her small boy to her chest. _Raped_. It wasn't possible, not her baby… She really had left him for a long time, hadn't she? She never meant for this conversation to leap to this, she wasn't ready for it. Not ready to get it thrown in her face just how much of a horrible parent she'd been.

"…Why didn't you tell me?! I could have-" She managed to choke out before being interrupted.

"You obviously never wanted to deal with me, so why should I bother?"

"Yamato, you're my son…" She repeated once more, letting loose a sob. She hadn't even realized the rivers that ran down her cheeks. She thought she'd blocked up their messed up relationship. Thought it was okay to part ways for a while, even if she missed Yamato she was happy with T.K and she'd though she'd left the boy in good hands. Now she realized just how badly she'd left one of her sons, and there was no taking it back. Of course she'd thought about also this before, but she'd never dared to see the damage she'd caused by her ignoring actions.

"Yeah, son indeed. I heard you two talking. Fighting repeatedly about who got T.K and who'd have to get me. I would only be in the way of dad's career or kill you financially. The problem kid with no friends that not even his own parents ever wanted, right? Screaming that it would have been better if you'd just killed me as a foster as you'd planned?" Nancy was stunned into complete silence, standing with her hands over her mouth. "I… I'm sorry. I never meant to bring you all that trouble and I never knew what to do about it… I'm sorry," he said, finally looking up. "But I don't want you around either. Not anymore."

 _Maybe she should have just given him up from the start. He would have had it easier in another family, another life. Still, looking down at the tears finally streaming down his cheeks, she knew she could never take back her decision._

 _Maybe it was selfish, but it didn't matter because she wouldn't be strong enough to change it. He was still her tiny baby, and he always would be._

Yamato spun around, lastly running away from her.

 _But she wasn't his mother._

That was the last time she ever went up to speak with him.

 _No, she'd given up that right too long ago._

 **A/N: If you have a thought about this story, please let me know :D**

 **Have a great day! -MJ**


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